Here I am again. Flying off to some distant city on an unidentifiable airline. Airports which all look the same except for the signs and souvenirs strategically placed to inform or annoy. Intercoms which all sound the same direct travelers who scurry from place to place in a hurry or something. No matter, too many different things going on at one time to really tell. Why am I among them I keep asking myself? I know, this is a business trip, but I chose this job knowing what business travel was all about. Yet I still took the job.
Would you believe I am really a homebody? Each day when work is finished, I hurry home to the comfort of wife and security. Then what am I doing on this airplane again? Driven from an urge within, I seek new places, experiences, and knowledge. The emotional cost is unbelievable to most people. About 24 hours before my trip I become sullen and lost in thought. Minor irritations become major events which I struggle to keep in perspective. My wife tries valiantly to comfort me and yet avoid my moods. Packing becomes a difficult chore because it means I have to leave my security. And those are the easy parts. Time to leave for the airport arrives all too soon. At the last moment I load the car and begin the drive. Usually my wife goes with me so I don’t have to leave the car in the airport parking lot. I feel like a one-car funeral procession all the way to the airport. A grief like pall hangs in the car like a dark cloud. Then we are there; the airport drop off zone. I can’t avoid it now; it’s really time to leave. We say our goodbyes and kiss. She turns to leave and I am left with a pain in my heart almost unbearable. Hiding the tears in my eyes, I choke out those last words of “I love you.” Though I cannot see her face as she walks away, I know there are tears in her eyes too. With a heart full of guilt for hurting her so, I turn toward the security area and walk slowly toward the gate. I won’t hear her voice for a day or two. No good night kiss to comfort my bedtime. Her touch, sound, and even her smell is days away. Why do I torture myself, and her, this way? I have pondered that question many times.
Driven by that internal urge to learn, see, and experience anything and everything I can I go forth. Growth, both in spirit and knowledge is an insatiable desire. From the homebody I change into the explorer going forth into the unknown leaving security behind. To me life must be experienced. Books and travel logs only spark my interest. Those, I feel, are for people who cannot have the real life experience. Each trip is a new adventure, new challenge, and most importantly, a new experience. Wherever I go when I leave this world, I want to be satisfied I not just reached for my dream, but I lived it. Even the experience of longing for home and family adds to my experiences and knowledge. After all, how could I know how much those things mean to me if I do not do without them occasionally? So with a final look at my home dropping away behind the plane, I shed a final tear for the woman I left behind. Then turn forward to begin the next new experience. Where I go, I go with eyes wide-open, spirit filled with adventure, and heart full of love.
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