Story 2

Typical Day

What a day! It makes coming home to an empty house feel good. The boss chewed my butt, the secretary said my letter looked like a 3^rd grader wrote it, and even the lunch crew wasn't listening to me. Oh well, there are days like this. Trouble is, I didn't know those days would come so close together. It's sure good to be home. I need a rest.

Man, a cold one would taste good now. Let's see, I've got Bud and Old Mill. Hell, it doesn't matter; they all taste the same anyway. I'll take the Bud. Off to the recliner and TV. I want to see what happened in the world while I was at work. I gotta relax a little and get on with my life. Wow! I never saw dust spinning around with the air from the ceiling fan before. Neat little tornado. Watch out ashtray! Whoops, there is dust in the wind now. That’s a good laugh. I never noticed that before, I wonder why? The place seems a little more messy than usual too. I've got to tell the wife she's slipping a little. Yeah, right. Who the hell am I going to tell? Sick damn joke. Stupid woman left last week. She didn't know how good she had it. I bet she's wishing she was back here right now. I hope the kids are driving her nuts; she deserves it. I really thought she was happy. I hope she's happy NOW.

Let's see, what's on the TV? Who hid the remote? I never can find that thing. I think I'll get another beer and one of those relaxing pills the doctor gave me. I've gotta unwind a little here. I'm too tense and stressed out. Look at those cobwebs. I bet my face has tear tracks like that. Could I have that many? I better not look. I might scare myself to death. Ha. Ha. Ha.

About time! This recliner feels so good. And I've got everything I need too. Man, it's great. I've got beer, smokes, and food. Wait, no food. Lets order pizza. Then I can watch TV porn for the evening's entertainment. Ok, one pill every 6 hours. Well a guy's gotta sleep you know. I better take 2 now. Then I can relax and sleep. What's for dinner? Oh yeah, pizza. Where's that phone book? A good pizza will be easy and I won't have to cook and clean up either. What a deal. I'll call when I get another beer.

You would think they would have something better to put on the news than this stuff. Where IS that porn channel? That ain't news; it's gossip. What happened to the facts? Doesn't anyone care about the facts anymore? Who cares who the President had kneel down for him? It felt good, didn't it? Ha. Ha. Ha. I wonder why I watch this crap. It’s a good way to kill an hour or so I guess, since I still can’t find that porn channel. Time for another beer and order that pizza.

I think I left the cordless phone in the bedroom. Ah, there it is. It's a miracle I remembered where I put it. That woman was good for something besides sex. She could always tell me where I left things. Damn, I miss her.

Look at the time. I've let 3 hours slip by and no dinner yet. I gotta call that pizza guy. Time for a beer first though. And hey, those pills must be made of sugar. I don’t feel a thing. I guess I’ll take a couple more with my beer. I still need that rest. Hello? New York Pizza? Send me a large pepperoni. No, make that a medium, no one here but me to eat it. 30 minutes? Great! Thanks.

Wow, those pills are good. I bet 2 more would do the trick. Where is that pizza anyway? You know, that dude on Ricky Lake who cut his wrists so he would die must be dumb. Anyone should know how to do that right. What’s so tough about a little cut anyway? I’ll show him how it’s done. I’ve got my box opener here. Look. You do it like this, dummy. Start here, push down hard. OUCH! Damn, that hurts. Great! It didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would. But if you want to do it right, you MUST cut both wrists. Like this. See? Told you anyone could do it, jerk. You didn’t try hard enough.

Listen. It’s raining outside. I hope that pizza guy doesn’t let my pizza get wet. I can’t stand soggy pizza. Listen to that rain on the roof. Sounds like someone’s popping popcorn. I could use some of that too. Would you believe it? That rain sounds like my blood dripping on the floor. Now that’s rhythm. Maybe I should start a band.

Whoa, I feel good now. Never better. I think I will be fine in the morning. Yeah, OK in the morning. I’ll get some breakfast and call the kids. Sounds like a good idea; good night’s sleep, big breakfast, and call the kids. I will enjoy talking to them again. I miss them. And I miss her too. That’s it. We will start over. Man, I can’t wait till tomorrow morning. I’ll go to sleep now so I’ll be ready.

Hello? 911? New York Pizza delivery here. I got this delivery and nobody comes to the door. Yeah, I can see somebody inside. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he’s sitting there in his chair like he’s watching TV, but there’s blood all over the floor. Yeah, blood. All over the freaking place. You better get somebody here quick. I think he’s dead.